NAT KANG COLE

she's gone.
i still can't believe it.
i can still see her.
laughing.
smiling.
jumping.
going mad.
she was so bubbly
so happy
so likeable
what happen?
why?
it was a mistake.
a mistake she acknowledged b4 she left
she wanted her life back
but it was too late.
too late.
she met her end.
in torture.
in silence.
helpless.
she was so far away.
i couldn't visit her.
she surfaces in my mind everyday.
its hard to forget.
its difficult.
i still feel her.
she's living.
somewhere
somehow.
its difficult to describe
i can still hear her lovely voice
her upbeat personality.
why did u have to go?
why did u have to leave us once before
only to leave us again
permenantly
irrevocably.
remember the times we had?
the fun times?
you went over to Brunei to study
a year later
you died.
you left us twice.
not once but twice!
what are you?
a beast perhaps?
a heartless brutal beast?
who had no qualms in leaving us devastated?
to leave us overwhelmed in tears?
i miss you rae
come back
when i was out with rach yesterday
truth struck
it was only going to be her and i

i hate them!
why couldn't they have just let you live
does the big god always win?
why weren't you more resilient?

i saw your mom that day
she was crying so bad
the pain in her must be horrendous
did you not think about her before you died?
why then were u heartless enough to make her feel the pain

forgive me.
im getting too accusatory
perhaps you had ur reasons.
your reasons.'

i went to your funeral last month
i saw you lying in the coffin
it was unreal
it wasnt you
it didnt even look like you
physically it did not resemble you
the course of action you took was not you
was it really you then?

im sorry i did not make an effort to contact you ever so often when you were there
im sorry that the last time you messaged me on msn i got disconnected
and did not bother to come back on
it just seemed so natural
that you would come back
and be part of my everyday life
where we would go over to your house
and have a awesome time
it just seemed so natural
so obvious
so expected
i did not in my wildest imagination expect you to go
i was wrong
and i regret.

i love you rae
i really do.
come back.
we'll be expecting you at the end of the year.
we're going swimming
and we're gonna have girls night out
and we're gonna be nonsensical
be crazy
it is only with u and rach
that i am able to go back to being a child
to not conform
to enjoy the essence of life
without you..
the bright spark is gone
we just cant do it anymore
ironic isnt it?
that the person who brought out the essence in life
were to give up all hope and end hers

is it true then to say
that people who bring out the best in others
see the worst in themselves?
people who make others happy
are the ones who really are unhappy?

superficiality
what a lie.