Thursday, July 05, 2007
I have a commitment phobia. I think its cause i have a "do it right or dont even bother" kinda mantra going on. I absolutely hate taking on responsibility because i hate the obligations that are involved. Nonetheless, i have problems turning them down. And when that happens, i find myself doing less than satisfactory work. And that sucks. Big time.
Why am i ranting on and on? I'm just bitter and honestly disgusted by myself. Yet at the same time im way to unmotivated and passive to do anything about it. 3 cheers for me!
I would like to be involved in charity work but i fear that i would not be able to commit into it long term. Im selfish. University work before anything else. And by which i actually mean... oh ill just slack all i want and then pick up momentum later and by then ill be too preoccupied for anything else. Why cant i just utilise my time better?
im selfish. And i have a commitment phobia. ahahaha
speaking of which.. i think i have that same kind of attitude towards relationships and marriage. Some days im like "thats sweet" and some days ill be like " get lost. i want me for myself so pls go away." i think u guys probably know what im talking abt.
which then reminds me of a conversation i had with seok that day. I told her that if i dont get married by a certain age, ill freeze my eggs at 26 and then start interviewing sperms at 34 and then have my own child! or children for that matter.
imagine how the interview would be conducted.
me: Good afternoon Mr X ( but in my mind its more like :" hello sperm")
me: So Mr X whats ur IQ ? ( ur chromosomes had better be good)
me: wow u graduated from harvard? great! ( in my mental checklist im ticking the column that says : above average IQ)
me: so tell me more about yourself ( im trying to buy time while i check out your features while u talk to me)
me: great! you sound like a driven hardworking individual ( in my metal checklist : great eyes (check) motivated (check) features should look great on either male or female (check) but without looking too gay on a guy or too manly on a girl (check)
me: Any genectic diseases run in your family? ( Im trying to create the perfect most beautiful child in the world, and ive got enough flaws to pass down from my family lineage so you had better be perfect so that i can minimise whatever genetic liabilities my child might inherit.)
me: None at all? ( PERFECT. The sperm is of good calibre . Mental checklist: genetically perfect (check)
me: Listen, you dont have any pyschiatric illnesses plaguing your family do you? No serial killers, schizo stalkers nothing of that kind right? ( gawd pls tell me no)
me: no? great.. ( PERFECT!)
me: now hows your metabolism like? you've got a pic of your family? ( i dont want them to inherit my fat genes)
* scanning thru the photo (hmmm.. his sis is a beauty.. great features run in the family, gorgeous figure. hmm his parents look healthy and normal and they age gracefully.) then looks up at him for awhile ( hmm nice build, great eyes, great teeth, looks sinewy and all. not bad. not bad at all)
me: so tell me about your family. ( i want a detailed background check to make sure the genetic distribution is equAL)
me: i see.. your dad accumulated his wealth from scratch and has was looked upon as the greatest investment analyst of his time. your mom has been honoured with the life long teachers award of her time and your sis is doing her PHD in business strategies in oxford now? wow. And ur parents just participated in the latest iron man competition and came in top 20? wow. im genuinely impressed.
( * scans thru my mental checklist. has more that 80% checked )
me: Alrighty , i think you are a great canditure for sperm donation. I'll get you my doctors and lawyers name for purposes of IVF and legislative procedures. Thanks for applying ( Hi sperm, you're just what i've been looking for, You're hired! Welcome on board my ovary !)
wahahahahhh! i think im bordering on dysfunction.
Why am i ranting on and on? I'm just bitter and honestly disgusted by myself. Yet at the same time im way to unmotivated and passive to do anything about it. 3 cheers for me!
I would like to be involved in charity work but i fear that i would not be able to commit into it long term. Im selfish. University work before anything else. And by which i actually mean... oh ill just slack all i want and then pick up momentum later and by then ill be too preoccupied for anything else. Why cant i just utilise my time better?
im selfish. And i have a commitment phobia. ahahaha
speaking of which.. i think i have that same kind of attitude towards relationships and marriage. Some days im like "thats sweet" and some days ill be like " get lost. i want me for myself so pls go away." i think u guys probably know what im talking abt.
which then reminds me of a conversation i had with seok that day. I told her that if i dont get married by a certain age, ill freeze my eggs at 26 and then start interviewing sperms at 34 and then have my own child! or children for that matter.
imagine how the interview would be conducted.
me: Good afternoon Mr X ( but in my mind its more like :" hello sperm")
me: So Mr X whats ur IQ ? ( ur chromosomes had better be good)
me: wow u graduated from harvard? great! ( in my mental checklist im ticking the column that says : above average IQ)
me: so tell me more about yourself ( im trying to buy time while i check out your features while u talk to me)
me: great! you sound like a driven hardworking individual ( in my metal checklist : great eyes (check) motivated (check) features should look great on either male or female (check) but without looking too gay on a guy or too manly on a girl (check)
me: Any genectic diseases run in your family? ( Im trying to create the perfect most beautiful child in the world, and ive got enough flaws to pass down from my family lineage so you had better be perfect so that i can minimise whatever genetic liabilities my child might inherit.)
me: None at all? ( PERFECT. The sperm is of good calibre . Mental checklist: genetically perfect (check)
me: Listen, you dont have any pyschiatric illnesses plaguing your family do you? No serial killers, schizo stalkers nothing of that kind right? ( gawd pls tell me no)
me: no? great.. ( PERFECT!)
me: now hows your metabolism like? you've got a pic of your family? ( i dont want them to inherit my fat genes)
* scanning thru the photo (hmmm.. his sis is a beauty.. great features run in the family, gorgeous figure. hmm his parents look healthy and normal and they age gracefully.) then looks up at him for awhile ( hmm nice build, great eyes, great teeth, looks sinewy and all. not bad. not bad at all)
me: so tell me about your family. ( i want a detailed background check to make sure the genetic distribution is equAL)
me: i see.. your dad accumulated his wealth from scratch and has was looked upon as the greatest investment analyst of his time. your mom has been honoured with the life long teachers award of her time and your sis is doing her PHD in business strategies in oxford now? wow. And ur parents just participated in the latest iron man competition and came in top 20? wow. im genuinely impressed.
( * scans thru my mental checklist. has more that 80% checked )
me: Alrighty , i think you are a great canditure for sperm donation. I'll get you my doctors and lawyers name for purposes of IVF and legislative procedures. Thanks for applying ( Hi sperm, you're just what i've been looking for, You're hired! Welcome on board my ovary !)
wahahahahhh! i think im bordering on dysfunction.
# posted by - : 10:45 AM
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